Throughout my life, I have seen political opponents come and go, listened to people speak of their differing opinions, and watched the events surrounding Washington play out without directly impacting my practice. However, our political climate has been so emotionally charged over recent years that the divide between sides has never been more significant.
In my practice, I have couples come to me for help with matters such as infidelity, differences in parenting practices, and couples who can never see eye to eye or are struggling with perpetual issues. However, until recently, I had never had a couple seek my help due to differences in political matters.
For today’s article, let’s examine the political divide that has disrupted Sean and Tasha’s relationship and learn how they can still respect each other’s opinions without becoming nasty.
Sean and Tasha were married for ten years. For seven of these years, politics rarely even entered their conversation. Neither had any strong opinions about sides and when the nightly news came on, the tousle between political opponents was simply background noise. However, this changed about three years ago when both became heavily invested in politics and divided themselves in opinion.
At first, they could talk to each other about their views and beliefs, and despite disagreeing with each other’s views, their marriage was still harmonious. They could argue their differences without it becoming problematic.
However, recently, their arguments escalated to the extent that they were sleeping in separate bedrooms. The mere choice of which news station to watch created an almost instant argument. They explained that even though they loved each other, they were at their wit’s end and desperately needed my help.
So, what can we do to help Sean and Tasha? Everyone in any relationship has differences of opinion. From friends having a tiff over a meme they didn’t find amusing to a couple with different work ethics. Our differences are unavoidable; in fact, they keep life interesting. How we act when these disagreements occur can strengthen our relationship or divide us as a couple.
Sean and Tasha
Let’s take a peek behind the curtain: Sean and Tasha come home from work, and Sean switches the news on. His station is tuned to Tasha’s political opponent, and instantly, her back is up. She is on the defensive and, after a short time, begins yelling at the television. Her beliefs are being challenged, and emotionally, she is on the defensive.
Sean, annoyed by Tashas’s reaction, begins arguing and defending his political views, which are being mirrored on the TV show. And the argument is in full swing. They are no longer listening to the news; the news was simply a trigger for a long-standing argument for which they feel there is no resolution.
They begin with raised voices, which evolves into a huge argument, escalating to them yelling at each other. Eventually, Sean storms off. The night ends with them sleeping in separate rooms, physically and mentally alone. The sad part is that Sean and Tasha love each other dearly. They both want their relationship to work, but neither has any idea how to make this happen.
So, what can be done? Should one person change their political views? That would fix everything, right? Unfortunately, not. My job as a psychologist is not to change someone’s mind but, in this case, to help them understand their feelings and learn to empathize with their partner while using the tools, I teach both in my practice and courses to repair and restore their relationship.
Sean and Tasha can begin by making small lifestyle changes to help calm the tension, such as agreeing to listen to the news on their own devices or with earphones to help reduce stress in the home. Implementing and making little changes allows the couple to focus on building and learning techniques such as empathy, active listening, and respecting each other’s differences. Working with the love they share, these changes, combined with the tools they learn, will help repair and restore their relationship to harmony.
Tools of the Trade
Empathy is a tool we can all benefit from in everyday life. To empathize is to look at the world through another person’s eyes and try to understand their point of view without inserting your opinion into the equation. Sean and Tasha may disagree with each other’s point of view, but by using empathy, they can open up the communication channels and begin lovingly talking to each other.
How do they do this?
Actively listening to another person allows us to understand the other’s point of view without judgment, interruption, or thinking about our response as someone speaks.
To actively listen, focus on what the other person is saying and their emotion and body language as they speak. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings when replying, even if you may not relate.
Let your partner know you want to understand their feelings and support them. Simple phrases like, “I can see why you feel that way,” can go a long way. When we feel heard and understood, we build trust, which allows us to address more difficult or emotionally charged topics in the future.
Centre Yourself, Stay Calm
To understand someone else’s point of view, you must first be aware of your own emotions. When entering emotionally charged conversations, take the time to center yourself, be mindful of your breathing, and, if needed, step away from the conversation. Resume when you feel in control of your emotions.
Agree to Disagree
It is okay to disagree, but trying to relate to others without conflict is essential. Sean may disagree with Tasha’s opinions, but it would help if he could understand why she feels this way. Once the lines of communication are open and you can speak without it turning into an argument, you begin to understand the other person’s point of view, and what initially seemed irrational becomes something you understand. You may still not agree with their line of thinking. Still, you are talking with each other, being open to each other’s opinions, and showing the person you love that despite the differences of opinion, you still care deeply for them and want to repair what is broken.
In these highly charged emotional times, being kind to those around us is essential, especially those we hold dear. Differences of opinion and conflict are a natural part of everyday life; how we choose to handle these issues makes all the difference.
Learn to use empathy when you are confronted with an opinion or viewpoint that is against your own; the more empathy we show, the calmer and kinder our world can be. And in these tumultuous times, think about those you love. When you see them next, hold them close and tell them how much they mean to you. At the end of the day, we all need a good hug.
To learn more about empathy and its importance in your relationship, download our mini-course, “Understanding Your Partner: Unveiling The Secrets To A Deeper Connection” for $24.95
In this course, we teach you the art of Irimi. Here, you learn to focus on your partner while centering yourself using your ‘wise adult’ frame of mind. Irimi involves using cognitive empathy to understand your partner’s perspective from a loving and harmonious place. We cover six techniques designed to foster an environment of unity and togetherness, making it difficult for continued hostility.
Our entire course, books, blog, and other classes are available on our website.
