Men: How to disarm an angry parter
According to famed therapist Terry Real, the short answer is: “To disarm an angry woman, give her what she needs.” To illustrate this point, let me introduce to 55 year-old Jerry who came to see me because his very angry (Linda) gave him the ultimatum of seeing a therapist or a divorce lawyer. (He had…
Controlled separation – How to give your troubled marriage oxygen without divorce
Many couples in a troubled marriage or relationship don’t really want to get a divorce, and they don’t want to go through marriage counseling right now (or they tried it and it didn’t help), so what are they to do? The answer is an option that many couples find appealing – something called a “Controlled…
Orange County marriage counselor asks: Is your marriage worth saving?
The Story of Mary and Bill Mary and Bill were a nice couple empty nesters. Married 20 years, hey had built a nice life together. Their mortgage was low, their children were in college and doing well, most of the time they got along with each other fairly well. But one day Mary told Bill…
Angry at narcissistic husband? How to cope short of divorce!
Anger and partner narcissism: Betty and Jason Betty and Jason had been married for 5 years and were now being seen in couples therapy because of almost constant conflict. Jason saw the problem as “Betty’s anger” which he couldn’t cope with and caused him to completely emotionally shut down. He constantly threatened divorce lamenting that…
8 things you can do TODAY to prevent angry partner blowups
Spending so much time together in social isolation during the pandemic is bound to challenge the patience and coping skills of many partners. Fortunately, new technology has been developed to help you stay calm called “Gaze-Spotting” based on the original work of Dr. David Grand, developer of a technique called Brainspotting. STEP 1 : Walk…
My husband and I never fight: How can we still have an anger problem?
The Marriage of Stacy and William Married 30 years, from the outside looking in they have a perfect marriage. They never disagree with each other. They rarely conflict. They hold hands in public. They are always civil to each other in public. Behind closed doors, however, there is a different story. While they dine together,…
Partner Anger May Be Improved by Better Sleep Habits
How sleep issues can affect anger expression in couples and negatively affect relationships and communication? Sleep is probably the most underrated of habits that impact health and wellbeing. A lack of sleep the night before is enough to leave us tired, grumpy and fed up for the rest of the day. Getting the right amount of…
Five tips for preventing resentment from ruining your marriage
When you and your spouse hit rough times, it seems that no matter what you do, things get worse. You blame your spouse; your spouse blames you and nothing changes. Out of desperation, you eventually step back from your situation and try to think more clearly. And thankfully, when you aren’t mired in the muck,…
How To Accept Disturbing Thoughts
Many people have disturbing and even horrifying thoughts. These thoughts are not based in reality, yet cause us to react as if they are indeed real. Others can’t stop thinking about the possibility of losing control and even harming someone. You may worry about making irreparable mistakes.These obsessive thoughts can be very disturbing if you…
We Now Offer Teletherapy During the Covid-19 Crisis
Hello Everyone, I hope you all are well and adjusting to all the new stresses that are suddenly upon us. In some cases, being at home with each other has been a positive experience. In other cases, not so much. At any rate, here are some resources to help you: How To Cope With Anxiety…
New Discernment Counseling for Couples On the Brink
Up to 40% of people who divorce wish they hadn’t done so. Yet, many of these people say they tried “everything”,including couples therapy, but to no avail. Why doesn’t couples therapy,even done by experienced and competent therapists prevent breakup more of the time? One reason is that both partners and the therapist often don’t have…
Defensiveness Can Destroy Relationships
How would you describe a “defensive” person? To me, a defensive person is always blocking other people, like a defensive back on a football team. Keeping them out. Not letting them get close. Not letting others influence them in any way. Defensive people are poor listeners because while you are talking they are preparing their…