The rapid acceleration in technological communication has created a problem where our nervous system is still trying to adjust to our online world. Gone are the days when the only way to speak with someone was to do so in person.
Emojis, memes, GIFs, etc are now often used to express emotion and thought. Our primitive self, however, still relies on facial expressions, body language, verbal and emotional cues to navigate daily life as we are drawn to the need for human-to-human contact both physically and emotionally. These primitive connection cues help us avoid miscommunication.
Verbal communication alone without person-to-person context is a poor means of connection as meaning can often be misinterpreted. It requires the frontal lobe to work overtime to interpret language and meaning.
Effective communication however creates a feeling of connection, love, trust, romantic attraction, and security within a relationship.
Here is one technique based on your primitive nervous system that you can adapt into your daily routine to help build the emotional connection you share with your partner:
Develop shared meaning by creating daily routines.
Sharing a routine together can be something you look forward to and want to integrate into your everyday life. These small routines help to bind a couple, and it creates a feeling of comfort and camaraderie. It can be something as simple as sharing a cup of coffee in the morning or spending time chatting while preparing dinner.
In my new course ‘Repair my Relationship’, I cover the different techniques you can use within your relationship on a day to day basis to help build and restore the bond you share with your partner.
If you or your partner are dealing with a lack of connection in your relationship, I encourage you to take our new course titled “Repair my Relationship”. It can be taken alone or as a couple.
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship, however it is very important to learn to understand, resolve and then move forward from the source of this conflict when it arises.
During therapy, I tell my patients to “Think of yourself and your partner as a team, working through problems as a ‘we’ as opposed to a ‘You’ and ‘Me’.”
This allows a couple to work together as a team to help reach a harmonious outcome. Doing so also allows you to understand others opinions and points of view uniting you as a team.
By asking: “How can we work together so that we can both be on the same page?” or “What can I do to help reach this outcome?” enables you to work as a team, encouraging conversation and bonding you as a couple as you work together harmoniously.
As you learn to solve issues together, to find common ground, you discover that problems that once felt overwhelming can be solved in a harmonious and loving manner.
If you or your partner are struggling to communicate effectively leading to perpetual arguments, I encourage you to take our new course titled “Repair my Relationship”. It can be taken either alone or as a couple.
A conflict igniter refer to a pattern of communication that often results in a gloves off, battle Royale between a couple. Regardless of who ignited the conflict, the result is the same – escalation.
Conflict Ignitor #1- Blame and Criticism
This igniter occurs when one or both partners are highly critical and blame the other almost exclusively for marital issues between them. It’s always “their” fault when things go wrong or when there is a break in emotional connection.
Conflict Igniter #2- Needing to always be right
Do you live with someone who always needs to be right or do you always have to be the one in the right? The need to be right is one of the more common conflict igniters in a relationship.
Conflict Igniter #3- Holding onto Grudges and resentments
Some partners never forget anything and constantly bring up their partner’s past misdeed or perceived injustices.
These are just three of the many conflict igniters I cover in my course.
If you or your partner are dealing with a lack of connection or unresolved anger issues within your relationship, I encourage you to take our new course titled “Repair my Relationship”. It can be taken alone or as a couple.
When we practice cognitive empathy in our marriage, we learn to look at the world from our partner’s perspective.
In essence, we are imagining what it might be like to be our partner in her/his life situation.
Cognitive empathy is also referred to as perspective-taking or the skill of putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, specifically in the shoes of your partner.
Even though you can see things from another’s point of view, it does not mean that you must agree with them. It does mean, however, that you acknowledge their right to hold that opinion regardless of your own.
Mastering cognitive empathy can have a profoundly positive effect on your life as it means a great deal to a partner when you try to understand their perspective.
If you or your partner are dealing with a lack of connection or unresolved anger issues within your relationship, I encourage you to take our new course titled “Repair my Relationship”. It can be taken alone or as a couple.
As a licensed psychologist, Dr. Tony has helped couples for over 40 years. He specializes in couples therapy and anger management programs.
We also offer our popular anger management course for those who may require an anger management program for personal development, to satisfy a court requirement, or to comply with workplace requirements.