Quick Anger Tip 10 – Don’t yell at your children; offer choices
More and more mothers and fathers are coming to anger management classes due to anger toward their children. Some parents feel they can’t cope with their small children while others report angst with their teenagers. Most good parents feel guilty when they experience negative emotions toward their children. Yet, it is very common. The typical…
Quick Anger Tip 9 – You can like people you don’t agree with
People are complex. Relationships are complex. Many times we can strongly disagree with someone’s beliefs but still like them as a person. The best example of this is the relationship between the late Rev. Jerry Falwell and Larry Flynt. Rev. Falwell was, of course, head of the Moral Majority political movement and Larry Flynn is…
Quick Anger Tip 8 – Manage Your Time Better
Anger is an emotion that is often triggered by a common malady of modern life-time stress. When you think about it, you may see that time is the original equal opportunity employer. We all get the same amount of time to work with-60 minutes an hour, 24 hours per day, 168 hours per week, 8730…
Quick Anger Tip 7 – Watch Alcohol Use
Many people who are court-ordered to anger management admit that alcohol (or other substances) was involved in inappropriate expression of anger. For some people, alcohol brings out rage and irrationality. This is because it can easily pass what is called the “blood-brain” barrier and thus literally goes right to our heads. In many people this impairs judgement, lowers…
Quick Anger Tip 6 – Just Say No Sandwiched Between Yeses
Saying no can be awkward, guilt inducing, nerve racking, embarrassing, even risky to friendship and and career, says William Ury, author of a new book, The Power of Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get To Yes. Not saying no when you hold resentment can also lead to angry outbursts. To say yes…
Quick Anger Management Tip 5 – Support Partner’s Good Fortune
Want to tighten the bond with your partner? Try emotionally joining your partner in his or her good fortunes in addition to supporting them in their disappointments and life challenges. This is based on a new study of couples in a short-term relationship reported by Dr. Steven Hendlin. “The way you respond to your partner’s…
Quick Anger Tip 4 – Change Your Self-Talk. Lessons from San Diego
In many ways, what you think is what you feel! To be less angry, challenge “automatic thinking” and replace with realistic self-talk. Case in point: Recently I had occasion to be in San Diego for a business meeting at a hotel on Mission Bay. Driving from Orange County, I missed my exit and wound up in downtown San…
Anger Tip 3 – Avoid Toxic People In Your Life
Sometimes, a trick to anger management is to avoid toxic people in your life – or at least minimize their presence or influence. You can tell if someone is toxic for you if: they have the ability to consistently trigger anger in you, when other people don’t. you don’t like who you are or who…
Quick Anger Tip 2 – Recognize Perpetual Problems
Marital research shows that 69% of the time in marital conflict is spent arguing about “perpetual” issues – issues that are never going to change. Trying to “solve” unsolvable problems (like character or personality differences between husband and wife) creates stress, anger, frustration and conflict. Instead, find a way to accept and live with each…
Anger Tip 1- Add Gray To Your World!
Tonight in anger management class, two new enrollees admitted they were there because they see the world as “black and white” with nothing between. “Things are either right or wrong…this way or that way,” one of the participants insisted.” “What is wrong with this concept”, I asked? More experienced class members chimed in that the…