Five tips to raise the optimistic child for better mental health
I had just completed a session with 17 year old Julie with severe depression and a firm belief that she was a total failure, she would never be able to change anything in her life, and all her shortcomings were her fault. Where, I asked myself, did such a young person acquire this negative and…
Lovehacking: Quick fixes to improve your marriage or relationship
How Love-Hacks can give your marriage a tune-up To fix a truly troubled marriage takes much effort and commitment. But, many marriages or relationships just need a tune-up. One psychologist, Dr. Eli Finkel, calls these “Lovehacks” in his new and very well-researched and well-thought-out book “The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.” Lovehacks provide…
Road Rage In Reverse. An Act of Kindness.
This is a personal story. Yesterday I was tooling down the 405 freeway in Southern California when suddenly I heard a loud pop which I assumed belong to another vehicle. I was in the center lane of a very crowded freeway and suddenly realized that the bang was coming from MY car. A blowout! Behind…
Anger Management in Action; Setting Realistic Expectations
How high should you set the bar for yourself or others in term of what you expect? This was a recent discussion topic brought up by Robert in a recent fast-track anger management seminar that we held in Newport Beach, California. Set the bar too high and the gap between what you expect and what…
Anger Management In Action: Let sleeping dogs lie?
“How did your week go, Samuel?” I asked my married patient who consulted me for anger management and anger management skills to deal with his wife. “Much better,” he replied, “because I kept my mouth shut this time when I desperately wanted to argue with her because I knew I was right. I decided to…
Anger Management in Action: How Can I Be More Patient?
Meet 25 year old Julia who came to our local anger management class for help with the question “How can I be more patient?” Seems that Julia was constantly irritated with other people.She tried not to be, but her impatience and irritability constantly leaked out with her body language, her attitude, and her sarcasm. She…
Mindfulness and Anger Management
Mindfulness and Anger Management- Guest Article We all have moments when things slow down and we are suddenly very present for life. We often have this ‘tuned in’ experience when we are in nature, or it it may happen when we are highly focused on some activity, or sometimes it occurs when we are simply…
How Important is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
In a recent session, 65 year old Dan, a retired insurance manager, was reflecting on mistakes he had made in his life. At the top of his list was an incident twenty years earlier when he received a home visit from a corporate V.P. who was vetting him for a large promotion as a district manager of a…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #11 – Anger and Sex
This months episode we discuss the relationship that sex and anger share. As a practicing Psychologist and Marriage Therapist, I have come across many couples who experience sexual frustrations in their relationships. Often times anger can arise from sexual frustration, and as this episode discusses, sexual frustration can result from anger. In this podcast we…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #10 – Is Humor a Remedy for Anger?
This months episode we discuss the positive effects that a sense of humor can have in dealing with anger. Appropriate humor can help all of us deal with difficult situations better, and if we have a problem with anger humor can gives us new ways to respond to frustrating situations. Humor shifts the way we…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #9 – Managing Expectations
This months episode discusses the benefits of managing your expectations. Learn what your expectations are, where they come from and understand how the world around us influences our expectations. When we understand these things, then we can better adjust what our expectations are when it comes to our lives, our relationships, our families, our possessions…
How To Tank Your Relationship – Lesson 1
Miguel has just gotten off the telephone with his buddies with whom he made arrangements to play basketball Saturday morning. Unfortunately, he did not discuss this first with Maria who obviously is very upset over this. From her point of view, Miguel often makes plans independently, just as if he was still a single guy….
Is humor a remedy for anger?
I recently returned from Phoenix, Arizona for a visit with a high school buddy that, save for a brief visit two years ago, I had not seen for fifty years. What an experience that was – catching up with each other’ s lives covering a half of a century! He had heard that I had…
Can you change? Maybe. Maybe Not. Probably.
Have you heard this psychologist joke? Question: How many psychologists does it take to change a light-bulb? Answer: Only one – but the light-bulb has to really want to change. In my experience as a psychologist and marriage therapist, I have often see people struggle with the question of how much they are capable of…
Is Happiness Contagious?
When I was a boy growing up in Cleveland, Ohio, it was my Italian-American father who was the mood setter of the house. If he was happy, everybody was happy. If he was angry, the home atmosphere turned ugly with discontent spreading like an August fog in San Fransisco, from one family member to the…
Gratitude Skill Important For Anger Control
Learning to respond instead of react to frustration and anger triggers is anger tool #3Â in our “tool kit” of anger control strategies. An important skill to use this tool is the skill of being grateful for things in your world and in your life. It is almost impossible to be angry and grateful at…
Can you control happiness?
As I mentioned in my last blog, psychologists are now doing major research in determining what makes people happy. These researchers are called Positive Psychologists and some of what they are discovering is fascinating. Take Sonja Lyubomirsky at The University of California at Riverside who wrote a book based on her research called “The How…
Is Happiness an antidote to anger?
I just returned from a 3-day conference in Philadelphia sponsored by the International Positive Psychology Association. The positive psychology movement is about ten years old but has really “taken off” in the last year or so. It is about scientific research related to concepts like optimism, happiness, resilience, courage, love, achievement, and goodness. The emphasis…
What is the opposite of anger?
In a recent anger management class, someone asked the question: “what is the opposite of anger?” If we don’t want to be angry, what emotional state do we want to be in that would be the reverse of anger? The answer, of course, is something like “inner peace” or maybe even “happiness.” So, the discusssion continued, does inner peace…
Anger Vs. Happiness
What is emotional happiness? Can people predict how happy they will be in the future? When people look back at their lives, do they regret inactions or actions more? These and many other questions are answered in a fascinating best seller by Harvard Professor Daniel Gilbert titled “Stumbling on Happiness.” The answer to the first…