How to Navigate Disappointing Outcomes
Sammi thought she had prepared herself for this outcome; after all, the odds were 50/50, but the feeling of loss, betrayal and hollow emptiness overwhelmed her. She had poured her heart and soul into her volunteer work, selling T-shirts, distributing yard signs, and even organizing community meetings to help her beloved candidate win. Potluck Fridays…
Become an optimist for better health and happiness
Friends Jane and Anthony have very different ways of viewing the world. Jane is a pessimist (“the glass is half-empty”) while Anthony is an optimist (“the glass is half-full”) Let’s compare how they think about similar life experiences: Scenario 1: A bad thing happens: both lose their jobsJane is devastated, convincing herself that she is…
Five steps to adjust your expectations
Dateline: January 4th. Orange, Ca. Anger management class participants review anger triggers of the week: “My boyfriend openly flirts with other women in front of me.” Jane, age 23, engaged to be married “a work group back East didn’t finish their project on time, which made our progress look bad – I blew up! Jim,…
Four ways to think like an optimist and improve your your health
Even as a child, James was described by teachers and his parents as a happy optimist. As the story goes, one day his parents decided to play a joke on him and test his attitude by requiring him to spend an afternoon cleaning deserted stables at what had been a local racetrack. Returning after two…
Five tips to raise the optimistic child for better mental health
I had just completed a session with 17 year old Julie with severe depression and a firm belief that she was a total failure, she would never be able to change anything in her life, and all her shortcomings were her fault. Where, I asked myself, did such a young person acquire this negative and…
Anger in the workplace – key management strategies
Joe, a 15 year city employee with a good record began missing work, and showing irritability with supervisors and customers alike. He then started to shout at customers who frustrated him. As complaints mounted, his supervisors “wrote him up” but did not try to discover the reasons for his drastic change of behavior. Finally, when…
How to deal with an adult bully
Sixty-four year old Bill was a married retired executive who sought anger management help on the insistence of his wife Ann. After 24 years Ann could no longer tolerate his bullying behavior toward her, their children, and their friends. He would often relate in an insulting, “get in your face” way using a loud, intimidating…
Angry because your partner just won’t change? Try a fresh approach.
Aaron and MaryAaron and Mary have been married 23 years. She is often angry. He is a very gentle soul who has a lifestyle admired by many. He has a lot of money, he “works” by playing golf 2-3 times a week while courting new clients, he has a gorgeous loyal wife and two beautiful…
Anger Management in Action; Setting Realistic Expectations
How high should you set the bar for yourself or others in term of what you expect? This was a recent discussion topic brought up by Robert in a recent fast-track anger management seminar that we held in Newport Beach, California. Set the bar too high and the gap between what you expect and what…
Anger Management In Action: Forgiveness.Let the Past Go
Thirty-two year old Elizabeth cried during her anger management class as she related how one year ago her 19-month-old girl was permanently brain-damaged as the result of medical error at the hospital in which she was delivered. She definitely had a legitimate grievance toward the hospital and the medical staff and felt that she…
Anger Management In Action: In Trouble at Work?
Leroy’s Story Leroy was a superstar in the Real Estate business, producing three times the monthly business of his nearest coworker. He was a driven, highly competitive young man who saw his manager as getting in the way of even higher production. Tension turned to irritability. Yelling and shouting followed. On the day he was…
Angry Over Power Struggles in Your Relationship?
A young angry misguided soul sat in one of our anger management classes dejected. The instructor asked why he was there. He said that his wife was angry over his not putting the toilet seat down after his use. Other class members looked at him incredulously and remarked: “you spent all this money on an…
Anger Management in Action: How Can I Be More Patient?
Meet 25 year old Julia who came to our local anger management class for help with the question “How can I be more patient?” Seems that Julia was constantly irritated with other people.She tried not to be, but her impatience and irritability constantly leaked out with her body language, her attitude, and her sarcasm. She…
Accepting Others With Limitations is a Challenge For Some
“I worked hard for my knowledge,” Bob said in a session, but “others want to drain me of my knowledge and skill so they won’t have to do the hard work themselves to learn it.” “Besides, they are so stupid and they are unmotivated to improve themselves.” Bob was very much into self-development and self-improvement and thought…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #11 – Anger and Sex
This months episode we discuss the relationship that sex and anger share. As a practicing Psychologist and Marriage Therapist, I have come across many couples who experience sexual frustrations in their relationships. Often times anger can arise from sexual frustration, and as this episode discusses, sexual frustration can result from anger. In this podcast we…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #9 – Managing Expectations
This months episode discusses the benefits of managing your expectations. Learn what your expectations are, where they come from and understand how the world around us influences our expectations. When we understand these things, then we can better adjust what our expectations are when it comes to our lives, our relationships, our families, our possessions…
Managing Expectations: A powerful happiness tool!
When people graduate from our anger management classes, we ask them which of the eight tools of anger control helped them the most. Often graduates tell us that it was Anger Tool # 6– “Adjust expectations” that was of most help to them. But managing expectations helps in more life areas than just anger; it…
Can you change? Maybe. Maybe Not. Probably.
Have you heard this psychologist joke? Question: How many psychologists does it take to change a light-bulb? Answer: Only one – but the light-bulb has to really want to change. In my experience as a psychologist and marriage therapist, I have often see people struggle with the question of how much they are capable of…
Six Tips For Parents to Handle Child Anger
Often, we get phone calls from parents who are angry at their children, usually because they happen to have what I euphemistically call a “strong-willed child. ” These children are often defiant, controlling, rebellious, and non-compliant with normal parental demands or requests. Sometimes this extends to their behavior in school, but in other cases they…
Anger sometimes due to our expectations
Have you ever had the experience of not seeing something that was right in front of you because you didn’t expect that it would be there? I recently had that experience with trees that the city was supposed to plant in front of my house. For months there were no trees where they should have…
Share Expectations to Decrease Conflict and Anger
John and Sarah spent The New Year holiday season in Las Vegas where they had hoped to have a relaxed time with little tension. Things went well until they decided to stop at a retail outlet mall in the way home which was attached to a casino. Both agreed they would “stop at the mall”…