How technology has changed closeness in relationships
The rapid acceleration in technological communication has created a problem where our nervous system is still trying to adjust to our online world. Gone are the days when the only way to speak with someone was to do so in person. Emojis, memes, GIFs, etc are now often used to express emotion and thought. Our…
Five tips to raise the optimistic child for better mental health
I had just completed a session with 17 year old Julie with severe depression and a firm belief that she was a total failure, she would never be able to change anything in her life, and all her shortcomings were her fault. Where, I asked myself, did such a young person acquire this negative and…
Road Rage In Reverse. An Act of Kindness.
This is a personal story. Yesterday I was tooling down the 405 freeway in Southern California when suddenly I heard a loud pop which I assumed belong to another vehicle. I was in the center lane of a very crowded freeway and suddenly realized that the bang was coming from MY car. A blowout! Behind…
Successful Couples Repair Conflict
Let’s face it. All couples fight. In successful relationships as well as others. Having fights is not necessarily a sign that your relationship is doomed to failure. If all couples fight, What then makes the difference between successful vs unsuccessful relationships? Simply put, one major difference is having the skills and ability to repair the…
Couples Conflict – The Dance of Anger
Jim and Sally have been married for 10 years. They argue so much that friends invite them for dinner a lot because they provide the evening’s entertainment with their bickering and constant conflict. Their arguments are over many of the same issues over and over again. They just seem to trigger angry responses in each…
Defensiveness Can Destroy Relationships
How would you describe a “defensive” person? To me, a defensive person is always blocking other people, like a defensive back on a football team. Keeping them out. Not letting them get close. Not letting others influence them in any way. Defensive people are poor listeners because while you are talking they are preparing their…
Anger Management In Action: Stop yelling At Your Kids
I hate to hear parents screaming at their kids. Why? Because it doesn’t work! It creates a bad feeling between parent and child! It makes the “yeller” look very bad socially (if done in public). It encourages “push back” from the yelled-at child. Did I mention that it doesn’t work? Anger Management is an important…
Anger Class 101: Silence is an Anger Management Tool
They say that silence is golden. Tell that to Sally and Jim who argue constantly and fight like cats and dogs over almost every issue. Both are highly successful, intelligent and verbal so there is no end to issues over which to fight. If perchance they do run out of issues temporarily, they creatively start…
Are You An Anger Hypocrite?
There are many definitions of a hypocrite, but the one that I wish to discuss in this blog is a person who professes one thing but does another. The hypocrite imposes standards on others to which his or her own behavior does not comply. The Anger Hypocrite One specific type of hypocrite that I often…
Anger Management: Learn to Diffuse The Angry Emotion
Anger is one of the core emotions or feelings that human beings are hard-wired to experience whenever they are blocked from achieving a goal they have or an end result they wish to achieve. Anger Management is the process of learning how to deal with anger as a core emotion. Everybody feels anger from time…
Anger Management in Action; Setting Realistic Expectations
How high should you set the bar for yourself or others in term of what you expect? This was a recent discussion topic brought up by Robert in a recent fast-track anger management seminar that we held in Newport Beach, California. Set the bar too high and the gap between what you expect and what…
Anger Management In Action: Need More Respect From Your Family?
Case #1- Elizabeth, a 40 year old homemaker was always feeling angry and used by her family, constantly saying that everybody took advantage of her. She felt that she worked like a slave but her family showed no appreciation or acknowledgment of her many efforts. She needed anger management to help deal with her feelings….
Anger Management Classes: How We Teach Empathy
Through he years, I have asked our anger management class participants what they expected class to be like before they actually came. Thought I’d share some of the responses I have received: “Anger Management Class is like traffic school.” “Like a support group therapy for angry people.” “Full of convicts and criminals.” “In anger management…
Angry Mothers: Learn Mindfulness. Then Teach It To Your Children!
The Problem “I can’t deal with my own children,” lamented a young mother in one of our anger management classes.“They won’t listen, they do exactly what they want, they constantly fight with each other, and they won’t do their chores without a major argument.” This young mother was ashamed that she was constantly angry at…
Anger Management in Action: Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
Anger Management requires eight core skills, one of which is emotional intelligence. Those with high emotional intelligence have empathy for their partner, are sensitive to how their behavior is affecting their partner and practices different responses to their partner’s upset to increase understanding and emotional connection.