Align Your Expectations and Decrease Conflict
Expectation. This single word can cause so much conflict in a relationship. At some point, we all have expectations in a partnership, such as how the other person will behave, think, or feel, and these expectations stem from our own world experiences and personal values. When our expectations are not met, we can feel irritated,…
The Significance of Social Awareness
Social awareness plays a crucial role in our interactions with others, yet some people seem completely unaware of the impact they have on those around them. They may unintentionally upset people in various settings, like at work or within their family, yet remain puzzled when confronted with negative reactions. Their lack of empathy prevents them…
Why J.A.D.E. doesn’t work to resolve conflict with your partner
What is JADE? It is an acronym for the ineffective tactics of Justifying, Arguing, Defending or Explaining to resolve conflict. It is a term borrowed from psychiatrist and team-cognitive-behavioral guru Dr David Burns. Here is what it means J – Justifying your actions. “I might have done that, but you also did….” Justifying is a…
How to deal with difficult people coping with the aggressive driver when he is a loved one
45 year old John terrorized his family when they were his passengers. He would yell at them if they complained about his driving. He would ignore them when they showed signs of discomfort and even seemed to enjoy scaring his passengers with his maneuvers such as tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic, passing other…
Diffuse family anger by talking differently — to yourself!
Case #1: Jeanette and Tom had been married 15 years. Wanting to surprise him for his birthday, Jeanette bought (with her own money) Tom a big-screen LCD television. Tom’s reaction? He instantly blew up and berated Jeanette for spending so much money, buying more television than they needed, and buying a bigger one than they…
Explosive rage: Does anger management training help?
Everyone has heard of road rage incidents wherein usually calm and responsible people “snap” and commit an aggressive or violent act. Turns out, that “losing one’s temper” can occur in many different life situations and cause serious emotional or physical harm to others. It is a pattern in which tension builds until an explosion brings…
Six tools to repair emotional damage in your marriage
Rudy and Marjorie were on the verge of divorce. Married 12 years, they had constant verbal battles ending in what therapists call emotional disengagement— meaning that they simply ignored each other for days on end. Emotionally, they were simmering inside and also lonely for each other, but were unable to reach out and communicate these…
How to control anger by forgiving grievances
Thirty-two year old Elizabeth cried during her anger management class as she related how one year ago her 19-month-old girl was permanently brain-damaged as the result of medical error at the hospital in which she was delivered. She definitely had a legitimate grievance toward the hospital and the medical staff and felt that she could…
How optimism can help—or hurt—your marriage
Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years— no small feat in today’s world. At first, their friends could not understand how their marriage succeeded, due to numerous perceived shortcomings. However, closer scrutiny of their marriage revealed that it was their thinking patterns—the ways they explained and interpreted their partner’s behavior to themselves—that…
How to deal with an adult bully
Sixty-four year old Bill was a married retired executive who sought anger management help on the insistence of his wife Ann. After 24 years Ann could no longer tolerate his bullying behavior toward her, their children, and their friends. He would often relate in an insulting, “get in your face” way using a loud, intimidating…
How to be less angry in your marriage – Tips on how to become allies around issues
Tom and Mary have been married for 10 years. Both are employed. Let’s listen in on an angry conversation they are having in their kitchen while making dinner: (curtain up) Mary: Would it have killed you to stop off on your way home to buy me some Valentine flowers? Tom: You should have seen the…
Anger management of your child’s tantrums at home during Covid Pandemic
The Science of a Child’s Tantrums – How to manage before it starts LeAnne Simpson’s 6-year-old daughter had thrown plenty of tantrums before the pandemic. But after a few weeks of lockdown, minor frustrations that used to lead to short-lived outbursts were now setting off writhing-on-the-floor freakouts. “First, she’d get so frustrated she couldn’t talk,” Simpson said….
Anger management in the time of COVID: Dr Tony interviewed on SelfGrowth.com
Dr Tony Fiore was recently interviewed by David Riklan at SelfGrowth.com. During this 30 minute interview David and Tony discuss many topics that affect emotions and the expression of anger in many people today.
The high costs of anger – Anger and your relationships
“Dr. Fiore,” the voice on the phone pleaded, “I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my girlfriend last night and she said it’s over until I get help”. As Kevin recounted the first night of class, he and his girlfriend had argued in the car over which route to take home…
Control family anger with assertive communication
“Dr. Fiore,” my 42 year old married patient (Mary) began, “my family expects me again this year to host Christmas dinner and I am just too exhausted; what should I do?”“Why not tell them how you feel,” I suggested.“Because I don’t want to hurt their feelings and I feel guilty if I don’t do what…
Is it OK for wives to verbally abuse husbands for not helping more around the house?
In situations like that, women often feel justified in being angry, frustrated and fatigued—and verbally expressing their discontent. But, wives are not justified in verbally abusing their husbands to get them to do more. Assertive communication The right way to get your husband to help around the house involves teaching wives a better way to communicate and motivate…
How to Get the Most out of Marriage Counseling
A guide for Orange County couples on the brink of divorce Many couples come to me after they’ve tried traditional marriage counseling. They’re usually frustrated and depressed. One of the most common things they say is: “We tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work!” If you feel this way, you’re not alone. But, as you’ll see,…
What to do if one spouse doesn’t want to have sex
When a Spouse Doesn’t Want to Have Sex It has been two months since Janet and Mark have had sex. They’re hardly speaking to each other. If you asked Janet about this, she would say that their home has become a battle zone-they fight about every little thing. Janet goes out of her way to…
Couples in crisis: How couple therapy mitigates stubborn psychological defenses
Guest article by Dr James Tolbin. Edited slightly and reproduced with permission. Why does a couple typically seek therapy? Research indicates that by the time a couple seeks couple therapy and arranges an appointment, the partners have been at war for multiple years on a range of seemingly unresolvable issues. Often a recent event is…
ANGRY AT YOUR PARTNER? Think Again!
Literally, think again. And then think about what you are thinking about- especially around anger issues. As famous psychologist William James said over 100 years ago: “Man can alter his life by altering his thinking.” The case of Sally and Jim Sally and Jim sat in my office glaring at each other. Sally told a…
Successful Marriage: Love ain’t enough says Dr Tony Fiore
What are these “thirds” that are destructive to a relationship?A destructive third can be anything that prevents a couple from having a close bond, having each other’s back and prioritizing their relationship. Thirds can create havoc in a marriage, yet the problem is not strictly a marriage problem per se. The real problem is inability…