Five tips for preventing resentment from ruining your marriage
When you and your spouse hit rough times, it seems that no matter what you do, things get worse. You blame your spouse; your spouse blames you and nothing changes. Out of desperation, you eventually step back from your situation and try to think more clearly. And thankfully, when you aren’t mired in the muck,…
Needing to be Right- A Sure-Fire Losing Strategy for Partner Communication
When I was a young psychologist, I recall a young woman in my practice who was very upset because men simply didn’t see her as very feminine and treated her like “one of the guys,” instead of like a “girl” as she deeply desired. I asked for an example of what she meant.”The other night…
How To Deal With a Passive-Aggressive Partner
HOW TO DEAL WITH A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PARTNER Husband- When I got mad at you, you never fight back, How do you control your anger?Wife- I clean the toilet.Husband-How does that help?Wife- I use your toothbrush As this little vignette illustrates, passive-aggression is a way to get even at someone behind their back, often without…
Can Personal Values Differences Destroy a Relationship?
You bet they do. Often the seeds of destruction are in the relationship the moment you meet even though it my take many years for it to actually die. Famous marital researcher Dr John Gottman teaches and trains therapists as follows: “It’s a myth that if you solve your problems you’ll automatically be happy. We…
Successful Couples Repair Conflict
Let’s face it. All couples fight. In successful relationships as well as others. Having fights is not necessarily a sign that your relationship is doomed to failure. If all couples fight, What then makes the difference between successful vs unsuccessful relationships? Simply put, one major difference is having the skills and ability to repair the…
Couples Conflict – The Dance of Anger
Jim and Sally have been married for 10 years. They argue so much that friends invite them for dinner a lot because they provide the evening’s entertainment with their bickering and constant conflict. Their arguments are over many of the same issues over and over again. They just seem to trigger angry responses in each…
Anger Class 101: Silence is an Anger Management Tool
They say that silence is golden. Tell that to Sally and Jim who argue constantly and fight like cats and dogs over almost every issue. Both are highly successful, intelligent and verbal so there is no end to issues over which to fight. If perchance they do run out of issues temporarily, they creatively start…
Are You An Anger Hypocrite?
There are many definitions of a hypocrite, but the one that I wish to discuss in this blog is a person who professes one thing but does another. The hypocrite imposes standards on others to which his or her own behavior does not comply. The Anger Hypocrite One specific type of hypocrite that I often…
Anger Management: Learn to Diffuse The Angry Emotion
Anger is one of the core emotions or feelings that human beings are hard-wired to experience whenever they are blocked from achieving a goal they have or an end result they wish to achieve. Anger Management is the process of learning how to deal with anger as a core emotion. Everybody feels anger from time…
Anger Management In Action: Let sleeping dogs lie?
“How did your week go, Samuel?” I asked my married patient who consulted me for anger management and anger management skills to deal with his wife. “Much better,” he replied, “because I kept my mouth shut this time when I desperately wanted to argue with her because I knew I was right. I decided to…
Anger Management In Action: Relationship Blowups Can Be Costly
“Dr. Fiore,” the voice on the phone pleaded, “I need anger management classes right away. I blew up at my girlfriend last night and she said it’s over until I get help”. As Kevin recounted the first night of anger management class, he and his girlfriend had argued in the car over which route to…
Angry Over Power Struggles in Your Relationship?
A young angry misguided soul sat in one of our anger management classes dejected. The instructor asked why he was there. He said that his wife was angry over his not putting the toilet seat down after his use. Other class members looked at him incredulously and remarked: “you spent all this money on an…
Anger Management In Action: Try Simple Habit Changes
Thirty one year old Harry is a fairly typical client in our local anger management classes. At work he is considered a very nice man, a lamb, really. By his co=workers, he would be voted last place on a list of people who needed anger management. But his wife Holly tells a different story. She…
Was Jesus Ever Angry?
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all readers. I write this from lovely Sante Fe, New Mexico while looking our at the majestic mountains and thinking about life and the role of anger in our lives. Then, I came across this article. while surfing the net. Although we do not teach anger management from…
Do You Display Defensive Anger? Three New Strategies to Deal with Verbal Attacks!
Doc, the new client said, I am not an angry guy. I only get angry when people piss me off. The rest of the time I am fine This humorous interchange occurs often in our anger management classes. We gently explain that, of course, it is much easier to stay calm and rational when nobody…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #15 – Peace at any price?
This month we discuss the whether the concept of “Peace at any price” is really valid when dealing with issues that come up in marriage. When dealing with problems in any relationship, assertive communication will often yield better results because it communicates feelings better than simply “clamming up”.
“Peace At Any Price” is Often The Wrong Strategy
Jeffrey was a beleaguered husband. Married for 15 years, he reported that his wife criticized him for nearly everything without giving him any recognition or credit for the good things he did for her and the family. He felt he could do nothing right, despite the fact that he was a very good provider, he was…
How Important is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
In a recent session, 65 year old Dan, a retired insurance manager, was reflecting on mistakes he had made in his life. At the top of his list was an incident twenty years earlier when he received a home visit from a corporate V.P. who was vetting him for a large promotion as a district manager of a…
Single Because of Anger?
We often get calls from single people who request help with anger management because they have just lost another relationship due both to their anger AND the inability of their boyfriend or girlfriend to deal with their criticisms, angry outbursts, or sarcastic ways of communicating. Fact is, if you are used to communicating in an…
Anger in your relationship? Guys: Before Trying To Fix, Just Listen
In our local anger management classes, we regularly hear from clients as to what causes anger in their relationships. Recently a young woman revealed that “99% of our fights occur because my husband tried to fix what is bothering me.” At this point, the males in the class were astounded that this woman could be…
AngerCoach Show – Episode #9 – Managing Expectations
This months episode discusses the benefits of managing your expectations. Learn what your expectations are, where they come from and understand how the world around us influences our expectations. When we understand these things, then we can better adjust what our expectations are when it comes to our lives, our relationships, our families, our possessions…