We all have that special something that makes us feel loved. For some, it is a warm embrace; others may prefer a delicious home-cooked meal or spending time with their mates.
Everybody is different, and we all feel and show love uniquely. This is the basis of the concept of ‘Love Languages ‘, a term originally coined by Dr. Gary Chapman. Love languages are the different ways in which individuals understand and express love. Often, we choose to show love in the same manner as we wish to receive it. However, a couple does not always speak the same love language. What is perceived as a loving action by one partner is interpreted differently by the other and can lead to distance and feelings of neglect within the relationship.
Let’s take Tim and Andrea as an example.
Tim and Andrea have been married for 15 years but can never seem to make the other feel loved. The more they try, the more emotionally distant they become.
Tim tried all manner of different things to show his love for Andrea. He kept the lawn mown, changed the oil in her car, was a faithful husband, and even tolerated her brother, who drove him up the wall with his terrible jokes and strange sense of humor.
Andrea also did all she could to show Tim she loved him. She loved to cook and always had a home-made meal on the table every night, even on the days she was exhausted from her job. She verbally expressed her love for him and would go out of her way to hug Tim when he looked stressed or upset. She even put up with the chaos of football nights when Tim and his buddies would gather to watch the game and down a few brews.
Over time, they began drifting further apart. They would try new things to show their love, but nothing worked. Tim believed Andrea was pulling away from him; Andrea resigned herself to thinking that her husband took her for granted and felt resentful.
They came to marriage counseling at the end of their rope, and I asked them, “What makes you feel loved? What is your love language?” Both looked at me, confused, and I explained what action the other person could take to help you feel loved.
Andrea replied, “I would love nothing more than to be hugged. I would also love for Tim to tell me he loves me. I always tell him, and he never says it back.” This shocked Tim; he never knew his wife felt this way.
I then asked Tim what he needed to feel loved. Tim replied, “I would like a little more intimacy between us than an occasional hug. It doesn’t always have to end in the bedroom, but I want to feel like I am an important part of her life, and she still desires me as a husband.”
Tim and Andrea believed they were expressing their love openly, but the ‘love language’ they were speaking did not translate. To help rebuild their bond, Tim and Andrea began openly talking about their love language and what makes them feel loved, and then focused on showing love that way. Their relationship improved beyond measure and both felt loved and appreciated in the marriage.
Showing your partner that you love them using their love language is a very effective way to re-establish the bond you once shared. It is a powerful yet surprisingly simple technique to learn. All you need to do is be honest with each other and then commit to changing how you express your love so that you can make each other’s heart sing.
Relationships can be challenging, but showing your affection does not need to be. If you can both discover each other’s love language, then you can start speaking it fluently. Take the time to identify your own love language and have a chat about it with your partner. This simple step can make a world of difference in your relationship.
An Exciting Announcement…
I am excited to share with you the launch of a new and improved version of my book, ‘Eight Keys to a Happy Marriage.’ This book, which I am truly proud of, is a unique resource that can help you transform your relationship.
‘Eight Keys to a Happy Marriage,’ is a practical guide written in everyday language. It’s designed to empower you to start improving your relationship immediately, regardless of your partner’s involvement. Our straightforward content ensures you can easily apply the techniques and advice to your unique situation, giving you the power to make changes.
I teach techniques and provide tips and advice that have helped many patients repair their relationships and rekindle the love they share with their partners. Many chapters include worksheets I use within my clinic so you can track your progress and follow the instructions to strengthen your relationship step by step.
So join us and let us help you fall in love with your partner all over again.
Click here to download!
