Archive for August, 2009

Martial Arts Message from Sensei Tom Callos

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Following is a special article from sensei and community activist Sensei Tom Callos who is a strong advocate of anger management as a preventative self-defense tool: Tom is on a mission as he inspires the martial arts community to be leaders in reducing the amount of anger and conflict in the world.

Here is his message: 

To marital arts owners and studios:

You should OWN preventive anger management training in your community; PERIOD.Your goal should be to take the training, absorb it, live it –then assemble a smart and powerful 15 to 30 minutes  presentation and give it to students, friends, family, and community –OH say, about 10 to 20 times (you and/or your best staff people).

Your goal should be to take the training, absorb it, live it –then assemble a smart and powerful 15 to 30 minutes  presentation and give it to students, friends, family, and community –OH say, about 10 to 20 times (you and/or your best staff people).After that, you create a “Presentation Team” of capable kids to give the same presentation (or close to it) to other kids. You then help “book” these young people all over town, all year long. Seek local business sponsorship / corporate sponsorship with the long term goal of awarding team members $10 (or more) for each presentation given.

(You and your teaching team should also master the “1 to 2 Minute End of Class Anger Control Chat” —or something like that.)

After that, you start working on “numbers of people” —looking to teach 100 people, then 500, then 1000 and so on.

ARM the kids in your community with anger management tools that will save them a LOT of suffering  down the road.

Nobody should say or think “anger management” without thinking of your school and this wonderful and dynamic little team of activists/speakers you’ve trained to deliver what is, obviously, vital “self-defense” knowledge.

Call it “the Anger Management Project” –or something similar: Goal, that every child who learns to swim, learns the 8 tools of anger management (nobody wants to drown in their own -or anyone elses- anger).

You’re talking about investing less than $1000 and a couple of months of fun, relevant, interesting preparation/work and having something completely unique and non-aggressive to teach 1000′s of kids –a real Unique Selling Propositionfor your school.

Now I’ve been telling, talking about, and practically BEGGING you to be involved and to get this going (if you were my staff, you’d already be a master of this, we’d own the town, be producing our own in-house “anger TV” for local cable and/or our website –full of testimonials and promotion) ——and now we’re advertising it to the general MA
population. I sure hope your competition doesn’t get it going when you’ve had so much time to get it first.

I’d have already given presentations at/to:

The PTA
The Mayor’s Office
XX amount of Counselors
Local School Principals meeting
All service clubs
Any business with more than 20 employees
Any high school leadership group, etc.

Downlaod a free report on how to become an anger management educator in your community:

http://www.angercoach.com/dojoanger

How Positive Emotions Help with Anger

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

In past blogs I have spoken of a new movement in psychology called “positivity” and have discussed how it has an “undo” effect with negative emotions such as anger.

Put another way, positive emotions erase the lingering traces of negative emotions.

So, if we did “lose it” and get angry, a great way to repair yourself is to find a way to generate positive emotions. According to researcher Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D., over time, positive emotions prompt growth in personal and social resources that increases well-being.

That is, positivity opens us.

But, what are the forms of positivity? What emotions should we try to achieve in order to undue the effect of negative emotions?

According to Fredrickson and other researchers, we should strive for ten emotions which are:

  • Joy
  • Gratitude
  • Serenity
  • Interest
  • Hope
  • Pride
  • Amusement
  • Inspiration
  • Awe
  • Love

But, how do you generate some or all of these emotions when you are….well, pissed off?

Frederickson recommends that you start keeping what she calls a Positivity Portfolio – it is like building a shrine to each of these positivity emotions.

Start by trying to figure out when typically that you experience one of the emotions – like joy – or one of the others. Write down what triggers it. When was the last time you felt it? Where were you? What were you doing? What was happening?

In the next blog entry, we’ll continue this process to help you build your portfolio of emotions you should have, to counterbalance all that negative stuff that is in everybody’s everyday life. Stay tuned…

Apologize correctly to deal with conflict

Saturday, August 8th, 2009

Did you know there is a science and an art to learning how to properly say “I’m sorry”? Just saying the words “I’m sorry” usually doesn’t get it and often does not resolve the conflict while apologizing the right way just might.

If you are asking forgiveness, the following seven steps have been found necessary for an effective apology. If you are on the receiving end of an apology and are considering forgiving someone, you should require all elements listed below before you accept the apology as genuine.

Step 1- State a detailed account of the situation to make sure that both you and the other person are talking about the same thing. Sometimes conflicts continue partly because you and the other are upset over different aspects of the dispute or disagreement.

Step 2 – Acknowledge the hurt, pain, damage or suffering you caused the other person. Just admitting it can often go a long way toward healing the emotional damage done.

Step 3 – Take personal responsibility for whatever you did – or didn’t do – rather than trying to shift blame or make excuses for what happened.

Step 4- Express regret to the other person for the incident in a way that is apparent that you really mean it.

Step 5- Specifically ask for forgiveness. Saying the words “please forgive me” can go a long way toward the forgiveness process and add weight to the sincerity of your apology.

Step 6 – Make a heartfelt promise that you won’t do it again. Obviously, you must stick to your promise and honor your commitment, or all bets will be off! Prepare for the reality that it will take some time for the other person to re-build trust in you; don’t expect instant results.

Step 7-Offer some form of restitution, if at all possible. Restitution – making it right – can be financial, emotional or social. Just offering an apology without at least trying to find a way to “make it right” may come across as shallow and hollow. Talk in itself may or may not be seen as sincere; action usually communicates much more intent and proof of feelings.

Try these seven steps the next time you need to apologize – or accept an apology from someone else – and see if they don’t help reduce the conflict you have. More on using the eight tools of anger management and conflict resolution at http://www.angercoach.com. and http://www.angercoachonline.com